A Survivalist’s Guide to Home Intruders

Living in a world where security is a constant concern, many individuals find themselves pondering the steps they would take if faced with a home intruder. From armed intruders to playful pets, this guide explores various scenarios and practical solutions.

The Armed Intruder Scenario

Imagine this: right now, an armed intruder has just broken into your home with the intent to do bodily harm. What would you do? Drawing from experience and practical wisdom, many individuals recommend employing a direct yet effective defense strategy.

Solution: If your firearm is easily accessible, pick it up and aim for the center mass or the head, ensuring the immediate threat is neutralized. This swift action can prevent further harm and allow you to notify the police.

Puzzling Security Breaches

However, the reality of such situations often adds layers of complexity. How did the intruder manage to bypass building security, including front desk staff and elevators? Escaping the safety of your apartment with the added challenge of evading neighbors, especially off-duty police officers, requires careful planning.

Addresses: Front Desk and Elevators: Verify that all building access controls are in place and functioning. Neighborhood Safety: Build a strong community network of security-conscious neighbors. Security Checkpoints: Ensure that multiple layers of security are in place.

Alternative Strategies

If none of these solutions are applicable, it's important to be ready for any situation. Some individuals with specific skill sets have developed unique defenses that might not be commonly known.

1. Friendly the Playful Pet:

One unconventional method involves a playful pet named Friendly, who gets along with intruders. The idea is that this interaction gives the homeowner additional time to select the appropriate weapon to incapacitate the intruder. However, precautions should still be taken to ensure the safety of oneself and others.

2. Trained Squirrel Army:

For those with more creative solutions, maintaining an army of trained squirrels can be a highly effective method. Squirrels can be taught to target and steal items quickly, making them a challenging and agile defense mechanism. Proper training can make these squirrels skilled ninjas.

Attention-Grabbing Tactics and Senses

While these methods can be effective, they might raise questions about intent. The possibility exists that the intruder might merely be an intruder looking for a cup of coffee. Addressing this concern:

Self-preservation: Stay calm and assess the situation thoroughly. Consider the intruder's likely actions and intentions. If unsure, prioritize personal safety above all else.

Humorous and Creative Defense

For those with a more comedic approach, there's also the idea of running naked and wielding a weapon, such as a Kukri, a very sharp blade. This unique defense might deter the intruder through shock alone. The aftermath could include soothing oneself with a stiff drink, seeking comfort from a pet, and then contacting the police with honesty.

Conclusion

Security measures are crucial, but often, individuals might not be prepared for every possible scenario. Planning ahead and preparing oneself can greatly enhance the ability to respond effectively to an intruder. Whether it's through practical measures or creative solutions, maintaining a proactive attitude is key to ensuring personal safety.