Are All Trans People Extremely Gender Non-Conforming Pre-Transition?

It's a common misconception that all transgender individuals present themselves as extremely gender non-conforming before transitioning. However, this assumption is far from the truth. In my personal experience, I was living the life of a cisgender male for nearly all of my life until I was no longer able to continue such a performance due to high personal costs. This was particularly true during my time in the military, where being even gay made one ineligible to serve.

Defining 'Extreme'

The term 'extreme' can be subjective. However, it's important to remember that gender conformity or non-conformity is just one aspect of an individual's identity. My experience is that gender is performative and can be adapted to fit different social expectations. For me, I was always a part of that performance, but only for the sake of fitting in.

My Personal Experience

I am a transgender woman who, prior to transitioning, was one of the girliest girls you’d ever meet. I and my older son, who is also transmasculine, were immensely feminine. This femininity did not stem from a desire to present as non-conforming, but rather from a need to express ourselves authentically.

For many transgender individuals, the journey to transition is not marked by non-conformity alone. In my case, I was diagnosed with a condition that required medical intervention, including hormone therapy, to alleviate the stress and emotional instability I was experiencing.

The Need for Distinction

There is a need to make a distinction between transgender people with a medical condition and those who do not. Some individuals, like the Quoran mentioned, manage their transition without the need for hormonal interventions. However, this does not work for everyone. My journey was marked by physical and emotional stress that was not alleviated until I took estradiol and possibly progesterone.

Before transitioning, I was already dressing in clothes designed for women. Yet, it was not enough, and I was frequently stressed and emotionally unstable. My therapist diagnosed me as neurotic and aggressive, and I felt like I was constantly striking out at an imaginary enemy.

The Process of Transition

The decision to transition eventually became a necessity when I reached a point where I could no longer maintain the facade. I was on the brink of taking drastic measures, including self-harm, and sought help from a gender identity clinic. Today, I am a mostly happy, single woman, excited about retirement and the job I love. My relationships with my children have become closer and more loving, which is a stark contrast to my previous state of stress and emotional turmoil.

Conclusion

Transgender individuals are as diverse as cisgender individuals, and it's inaccurate to assume that all of us are extremely gender non-conforming before transitioning. Each individual's journey is unique and is often influenced by a combination of medical, social, and personal factors. It's crucial to recognize and respect the varied experiences of the transgender community.