Autism and Self-Love: Understanding the Journey

For many years, I struggled to understand and accept myself. Growing up, I felt like an outsider, constantly questioning why I couldn't fit in like my peers. Society's expectations, coupled with my family's disappointment, made it even more challenging to come to terms with my identity. It wasn't until a late diagnosis of high-functioning autism that I began to see parts of myself more clearly.

The Battle Within

During my formative years, I often beat myself up for not being like other people. Why couldn't I pick up on social cues like everyone else? Why was I consistently bullied in school? These feelings of inadequacy were amplified by my family's lack of support. As my symptoms pointed to autism, I wanted to believe it, yet I struggled with the idea. Being functional enough to attend mainstream education, gain certificates, and hold a job often led me to believe I was just "high-functioning" and thus "not really autistic". However, my significant other's true character was revealed only after marriage, and it turned out he was after my father's money.

Self-Doubt and Misdiagnosis

The journey to self-acceptance was fraught with challenges. I constantly questioned whether I was trying hard enough to enjoy noisy parties. The pressure was immense, and the constant bullying made me feel like I was no good. It took a long period of readjustment after my final diagnosis to finally find peace and self-acceptance. Over the past 12 to 15 years, high-functioning autism in women and girls has increasingly gained recognition, presenting differently than in males. This was my journey, and while it was painful, it ultimately led to a sense of fulfillment and self-love.

Co-Existing with OCD

While some people with autism find self-love, others face additional challenges such as OCD. This condition can significantly impact one's self-esteem, making it difficult to love oneself. One of the issues that some autistic individuals confront is the repetitive thoughts or "voices" in their mind that cause them distress. These thoughts often revolve around fears of harm befalling loved ones if certain OCD rituals are not performed. Empathy can exacerbate these fears, leading to a cycle of stress and anxiety.

However, with time and effort, individuals can overcome these challenges. Recognizing that these thoughts are lies and training the mind to ignore them can help. Over time, these intrusive thoughts tend to diminish, allowing the individual to focus on more positive aspects of themselves and their lives.

A Path to Self-Acceptance

Understanding and accepting oneself is a lifelong journey, particularly for those with autism. It's important to recognize the unique experiences and challenges each individual faces. While some people with autism find self-love more easily than others, every journey towards self-acceptance is valid and important.

My story serves as a reminder that early diagnosis and support can greatly impact one's quality of life. It's never too late to seek help and work towards self-love and acceptance. If you or someone you know is struggling with similar issues, it's important to seek professional guidance and support.

Ultimately, the key to self-love lies in self-awareness, understanding, and patience. As society increasingly recognizes the complexities of autism, we can work towards a world where everyone, regardless of their condition, can find the love and acceptance they deserve.