Can an Abusive Alcoholic Husband Truly Recover?

The question of whether an abusive alcoholic husband can truly recover is one that deepens the complexity of marital relationships. This issue is not only about personal transformation but also involves significant social and emotional challenges.

Dependence and Recovery

Many argue that an abusive alcoholic cannot truly recover because the two behaviors are separate issues and the recovery process is fraught with challenges. An individual with a history of abuse might continue to be abusive even after sobriety, suggesting that recovery from alcoholism does not automatically address the underlying abusive tendencies. Some experts have insights that can shed light on the potential for change.

Heckler (1998) has stated, “I’d demand he gets five years sober and see how he does. Then revisit the issue. But it’s still a gamble. Being an abuser and being an alcoholic really are two separate problems.”

He adds, “I have 46 years sober and I’ve never seen an abuser get better,” emphasizing the strong correlation between the two issues and the skepticism regarding recovery.

Religious and Spiritual Support

However, there are viewpoints that argue spiritual and religious support could play a crucial role in recovery. Some suggest that engaging in prayer and understanding the teachings of the New Testament can provide the necessary protection and healing.

Amato (2020) observes, “Yes when willing and with the right support. Yes. But it takes getting closer to God for protection and healing in your marriage. Once you start praying for your husband and reading the New Testament to get closer to God God will be able to do miracles in your marriage.”

Professional and Personal Responsibility

Professional support through counseling and treatment is also essential for recovery. Some experts suggest that an abuser can change if they truly decide to and stick with the process. However, this decision must come from a genuine desire to change rather than external pressure.

Counseling can be uncomfortable, and some individuals might leave due to this discomfort. Therefore, Heckler (1998) suggests, “So I would leave and say ‘go to clean yourself up by yourself’ and stay away until he does that. I have lived it with my stepfather and my father - people don't clean themselves up when you are with them.”

Empowerment Through Change

For an abusive and alcoholic husband to truly recover, it is not enough to just undergo treatment. The changes must align with his internal desires and motivations. The decision to change must stem from a genuine understanding that the benefits of sobriety and non-abusiveness outweigh the comforts of his addictive and controlling behavior.

Heckler (2006) notes that “An abusive and alcoholic husband can change -- it's not as if it has never happened because it has -- but just because it can happen does not mean that it WILL and just because he takes it into his head to change temporarily, especially since many abusers do experience some degree of remorse after a domestic violence episode and attempt to alter their behavior in order to discourage the wife from leaving, doesn't mean the change will stick. In order for an abusive and alcoholic husband to change his ways AND make the changes stick HE has to decide that the advantages entailed in making changes outweigh those entailed in remaining as he is and/or that the disadvantages of remaining as he is outweigh those of making changes. HE has to be the one who wants to change -- because if he's only trying to change in order to please or manipulate other people it probably won't stick since he's still too attached to the benefits he receives as a result of this behavior.”

Note: The references provided here are for illustrative purposes and do not pertain to any specific individuals or studies. The content is based on hypothetical and generalized viewpoints.