Caring for Therapists: When Concerns Arise and Actions Speak Louder

Sometimes, caring for someone you trust and rely on means taking action when you perceive they are not themselves. This can extend to your therapist, a person whose role is to support you through your personal challenges.

Handling Concerns for a Therapist

During my therapy in 2004, my therapist decided to spend the Christmas holidays with his family in Phuket, Thailand. Unfortunately, on December 26, a devastating tsunami struck the region. The clinic's reopening brought concerns as I inquired about his safety. Thankfully, he and his family were safe, but this incident highlighted the fragility of life and the importance of expressing worries.

Supporting a therapist is inherently complex. I often express my concerns for my long-term therapist, sometimes going as far as proposing cancellations for her appointments during inclement weather. However, she reminded me that even a 20-year difference in age does not diminish a person's ability to take care of themselves. Her passing made me acutely aware of my need for emotional support, affirming the significance of having multiple therapists.

My inclination towards caretaking can sometimes manifest as offering inappropriate advice when sick. For instance, one time I felt compelled to give 'motherly advice', but I made it clear that my intention was not to mother her. We both found humor in the situation, turning what could have been a tense moment into a light-hearted conversation.

Signs That Your Therapist Might Need Support

On one particularly concerning day in May, my therapist seemed unusually aloof and exhausted. She was not engaging and was continuously yawning. Although I was aware that she celebrated New Year's late, I still felt something was amiss. Realizing the therapeutic session was not efficient and recognizing that she was not in her best state, I suggested we terminate the session for the day. My decision to prioritize her well-being was met with surprise, but my therapist understood and appreciated the gesture.

After the session, she brought up the incident, curious about the true reasons behind my decision to terminate early. I gave her the honest reason, expressing that as someone who values my personal space and requires privacy when tired, I wanted to ensure she had the space she needed. Although I worried it might make her feel incompetent, she realized the importance of boundaries and took my words to heart.

Conclusion

Caring for a therapist is a nuanced responsibility. It involves recognizing when they might need support, understanding their boundaries, and taking effective action to ensure their well-being. Whether it's offering compassionate words, suggesting a short break, or even suggesting a session cancellation, these actions can significantly impact the quality of therapy.

Ultimately, the goal is to create a supportive yet respectful environment where both the therapist and the client can thrive. By addressing concerns and respecting each other's needs, we can foster a therapeutic relationship that is both effective and nurturing.