Contemplating Changes: What I Hated That I Loved Before Quitting Drinking

It's an interesting question—what did you hate that you once loved? For me, the answer isn't so much 'hate' but rather a profound shift in the values and relationships I once held dear.

Transitioning from Social Engagement to Solitude

I once enjoyed deep, meaningful relationships with a wide range of people, but these days, I find myself distancing from familiar social circles. The people who matter to me deeply are often those who suffered and passed away due to their own battles with drugs and alcohol. I have also inadvertently damaged many of my past relationships through unhelpful, selfish actions.

From Social Confidence to Self-Sufficiency

Since a young age, I've struggled with shyness. Alcohol and other substances initially offered me a sense of confidence and ease in social settings. However, over time, my reliance on these substances shifted from seeking comfort around others to seeking comfort in solitude. It reached a point where I barely recognized the person inside.

Root Causes and Life Experiences

Understanding the root causes of my behavior is complex. Being a military brat who moved frequently must have had an impact on my life choices. My birth order as the eldest of four children is another factor. Genetics also play a role; my father is a recovering addict, and my mother, I believe, has undiagnosed mental health issues. These factors contribute to the challenging journey I’ve undertaken.

Challenges and Reflection

Life is inherently difficult, regardless of one's circumstances, but the added pressures of addiction and mental health issues can exacerbate these challenges. I've rambled through this journey, much like I did in my life, but here's a summary of my experiences:

While I still love many people in the world, I hate the idea of being in places where I feel so uncomfortable that I need to turn to substances to avoid feeling like an outsider. I've learned to live a quieter life, despite moments when it's hard. My current goal is to be the best version of myself, one day at a time, and one foot in front of the other.

Keywords: Alcohol, substance abuse, recovery