Dealing With Narcissists: How They React After Being Ignored or Upset

In a turbulent relationship, one common pattern with narcissists is their reaction when faced with the reality of their behavior. When confronted with the truth, whether it's about their narcissistic tendencies or ignored for their actions, these individuals often react in surprising and unexpected ways. This article aims to shed light on how narcissists typically behave when you ignore them or make them angry, and what to expect in the aftermath.

Confronting a Narcissist

Confronting a narcissist can be a delicate and often aggravating process. In many instances, a narcissist may not even be aware of their own behavior, as they tend to project their own insecurities and faults onto others. This was the case with my experience. Upon delivering a stark and clear accounting of his behavior, laying it out calmly and logically, my ex-partner was caught off guard and became extremely defensive. This dramatic shift from silent manipulation to overt, hostile behavior was unexpected but common for narcissists.

Arguing with a narcissist is akin to dealing with a person who takes pleasure in creating chaos. After exposing the truth, many narcissists simply deny or rationalize their behavior, often resorting to saying flat-out that they don’t want anything to do with you, similar to the “you can’t fire me, I quit” mentality. This is a manipulative tactic designed to evoke a reaction or to make the other party feel guilty.

Aftermath and Their True Colors

When someone lives in a reality constructed of deception, the truth can be a brutal awakening. After such an encounter, narcissists may experience an emotional breakdown or a severe reevaluation of their self-perception. In my case, my ex-partner’s midlife career and personal breakdown, concurrent with his addiction to alcohol, further exposed the superficial nature of his self-creation.

After my ex-partner was no longer a part of my life, he appeared to struggle with his newfound isolation and lack of status. He ended up working at Walmart, a stark change from his former life. The temporary oblivion of his actions after the confrontation was short-lived, and his underlying motivations of seeking validation and control continued to drive his behavior. He faced multiple setbacks, leading to a complete reevaluation of his life and choices, but the core of his narcissistic traits remained.

Handling Narcissistic Rebounds and Ghosting

Despite the initial confrontation and breakup, the reality is that some narcissists may continue to try and contact you in bizarre ways. They may use guilt, ploys, and even financial manipulation to maintain a connection or to regain their sense of control. It's important to be aware of these tactics and to set strict boundaries.

Narcissistic individuals may react by viciously cutting off all communication, or they may resume contact after a period of silence, trying to regain the upper hand. Experiencing these manipulative behaviors and continued attempts to re-enter your life is common. Learning to recognize and ignore these tactics is crucial for your emotional well-being.

Ex experiences and insights

Another example of a narcissist's behavior when confronted involves an ex-friend from my 60s. She would often be engrossed in her phone during social gatherings, but despite this, we maintained a polite relationship due to our spouses' friendship. However, her constant attempts to rekindle the relationship after a significant breakup revealed a layer of emotional manipulation. She would message me every three months for the next 16 months, hoping to sway my perspective.

This behavior is emblematic of how some narcissists can use past experiences and social networks to continue their strategies. They may attempt to use guilt, low self-esteem issues, and other psychological manipulations to draw you back into their lives. Recognizing these patterns and setting firm boundaries is essential to protecting your emotional and mental health.

Conclusion

Dealing with a narcissist can be a complex and often disheartening journey, but understanding their patterns of behavior can provide some guidance. Whether it's through confrontation or gradual disconnection, understanding that their true colors come out when faced with reality, can help you navigate these challenging situations more effectively. If you find yourself dealing with a narcissist, it's important to set boundaries, seek support, and be prepared for the possibility of continued manipulation.