Embracing Emotions: How to Heal Through Exposure

Sometimes, we find ourselves in the midst of feelings that feel overwhelming and confusing. These emotions can be so intense that they make us question our own understanding and self-identity. But often, these feelings are not as difficult to manage as we think. The first step towards healing is simply noticing these emotions without trying to name or change them.

Starting Small: Noticing Feelings

When we experience these intense emotions, our natural inclination is to turn away from them. However, these feelings are often phobias or fears that we have developed over time. The best way to overcome these phobias is through exposure. Begin by acknowledging and facing the feelings without labeling them too precisely. Simply observe them as they arise.

For example, if you fear flying, the fear may manifest as a feeling of unease or anxiety. Allow yourself to look at this feeling, without trying to name it. Your fear will likely return, but it will remain the same every time. Over time, as you continue to observe this feeling without doing anything to alter it, you may begin to notice that it feels less daunting. Like the plane, it is simply there, not jumping out at you or making you take action.

Gradual Exposure: Tackling the Feeling

When the feeling becomes less intimidating, you can start to tolerate it a bit more. This might involve actually getting on the plane (or in this metaphor, confronting the feeling head-on) and simply sitting there, allowing yourself to feel what it feels like to be there. You might even have a drink or look around, but the key is simply to be present with the feeling.

It's important to note that you can do this as many times as you need to, whenever the feeling returns. The plane doesn't have to take off; you can remain in your seat, drinking your drink, and feeling the sensation of being on the plane. This process can take days, weeks, months, or even forever, but the point is that the plane never needs to take off.

As you continue to sit with the feeling, you can start to examine it more closely. Pay attention to how your body reacts: is your chest tight, is your gut clenched, is your heart beating fast, is your breathing shallow? These physical sensations are a normal part of the emotional experience. Simply notice them without trying to change them. This is the foundation of learning to tolerate your emotions and sit with them.

Caution: Avoiding Bypassing

One common pitfall is bypassing or pretending that the feeling doesn't exist. This can be a dangerous route to take, as it doesn't address the underlying emotion and can prolong your suffering. It’s like telling yourself that the plane is a dream and that the fear is not real. While some people might find this helpful, many others will find themselves having to repeatedly remind themselves that everything is just a dream, which can be a sign that bypassing isn't effective.

Instead, engage with the feeling in a more concrete way. See the inside of the plane, feel what it's like to be inside, and notice the sensations. By doing this, you are learning to tolerate your emotions more effectively and are moving towards healing. The key is to stay present with the feeling, allowing it to be, rather than trying to change or escape from it.

Embracing these emotions is the first step towards healing. It's a process that requires patience and persistence, but the results can be profound. By sitting with your feelings, you are building the resilience to handle whatever comes your way. So, next time you find yourself overwhelmed by emotions, remember to simply notice them, tolerate them, and allow yourself to feel them fully.