Finding an Accepting Partner with Dissociative Identity Disorder

As someone with dissociative identity disorder (DID), have you found an accepting partner? If so, for how long did you look? These are questions that navigators of life with DID often grapple with. Accepting a partner, especially one who can embrace the entirety of who you are, can be challenging yet profoundly rewarding.

The Importance ofSelf-Acceptance

The journey to finding a partner who accepts you with your DID involves self-acceptance first and foremost. For many, the process can be long and difficult. It requires acknowledging your own needs and limitations without shame. It also means being willing to share aspects of your life that may be considered unconventional or challenging.

A Personal Journey

I have known my soon-to-be husband for almost 20 years, initially as a close friend. The dating landscape can be treacherous for those with complex mental health conditions like DID, and I've honed a policy of dating within established friendship circles. This approach is crucial because it ensures that the people I choose to be intimate with have a comprehensive understanding of my situation. Patient and accepting relationships are built on trust and mutual understanding, and my partner embodies these qualities.

Our story began at college, where we were friends with his ex-partner. The relationship eventually evolved into a romantic one, despite his ex-divorcing him and him later temporarily disappearing to work through his own challenges. We reignited our bond when I needed support during a difficult job search. Since then, we've been together, with the date of our upcoming nuptials set for October 1, 2020.

Understanding DID

DID is characterized by a disintegration of the normal integration of a person's identity, where a multiplicity of identities or alters often exist. These alters manage stress, trauma, and other triggers in different ways. For me, there are over seven major alters, and my triggers are numerous and varied, ranging from environmental stimuli to strong emotional situations.

The relationship with my partner has been foundational in navigating these challenges. He understands and respects that not every situation or trigger calls for a switch, and he provides a safe and stable presence. Our motto is simple: "Grow old together." We prioritize flexibility in our partnership, and there are no traditional expectations like having kids or a house. Our relationship is rooted in mutual support and a willingness to adapt.

My partner's empathy and understanding have been instrumental in my DID journey. He has experienced his own traumas, which have given him a unique perspective on my condition. His influence plays a significant role in my consolidation process, where the focus is on harmonious coexistence and avoiding triggers. Tools of support include consistent reminders, routine adherence, and techniques to manage stress.

Surprises and Reality

While there are those who are not turned off by DID, approaching potential partners with honesty and authenticity is paramount. Letting them get to know you as a friend before pursuing a more intimate relationship can provide a foundation of mutual trust. Not everyone will be accepting, but it's essential to be genuine and patient in your search.

The long-term commitment to building a relationship with an understanding and accepting partner can be life-changing for those with complex identities. It requires work, patience, and an openness to vulnerability. However, the rewards can be immense, leading to a richer, more fulfilling life.