Understanding Myself: The Impact of an Autism Diagnosis

Receiving an autism diagnosis at a young age profoundly shaped my life, making me more resilient and self-aware.

The Journey of Self-Discovery

Receiving a diagnosis of autism in second grade and learning about it in my fifth-grade year allowed me to explore a new dimension of myself. Initially, the diagnosis was met with a sense of confusion and even a bit of amusement. However, it quickly transformed into understanding and acceptance. One poignant moment of realization was when I heard the term 'Asperger's syndrome' explained to my parents, leading me to exclaim with a mix of amusement and delight, 'they said ass! '

Embracing My Qualities

Autism diagnosed me with a level of stubbornness and determination that I carry into my daily life. I view retirement as a slow, boring death rather than a welcome respite. This resilience extends to my personal and family life, where I stand by those I love despite challenges. While this strength can be misconstrued as being an 'asshole', it reflects a resolute commitment to my principles.

Past Behaviors and Current Understanding

Looking back, I realize that in my primary school days, I struggled with emotional regulation. I often cried frequently, had massive tantrums, and engaged in disruptive behavior like drawing on desks. These actions were fueled by a deep-seated fear of others talking about me behind my back and significant anger issues. However, with maturity, I have learned to manage these emotions better. Even though I sometimes experience outbursts, my overall understanding of my feelings has improved.

Impact on Personal Relationships and Life Choices

The diagnosis brought a sense of relief, answering many questions about my behavior. It allowed me to accept myself for who I am, reducing the stress and self-doubt. For the first time, I understood the root causes of my actions. This newfound self-awareness enabled me to make adjustments to my life, leading to a more fulfilling existence. My relationship with my ex-wife dissolved as I found a partner more aligned with my needs and values. This change brought a sense of peace and happiness.

Closing Thoughts

This diagnosis, while not altering my fundamental nature, has empowered me to live more authentically. Embracing my true self has not only improved my quality of life but also positively impacted those around me. The experience has been profoundly positive, and for that, I am grateful.