How to Convey Your Suspicions About High-Functioning Autism to a Friend

Telling a friend that you suspect they may have high-functioning autism (HFA) is a sensitive task. It is crucial to approach this conversation with care and consideration.

Choosing the Right Time and Place

The first step is to find a comfortable, private setting where you can talk without interruptions. Ensure the environment is conducive to open and honest communication. Timing is also important; ideally, choose a time when your friend is in a relaxed state of mind and open to discussion.

Being Supportive and Compassionate

Express your care for them by starting the conversation with a statement like, 'I care about you and I have noticed something that is concerning me.' Emphasize that your intention is to support them, not to label or diagnose. Open the door to discussion by asking questions rather than making accusations. For example, you could say, 'I’ve noticed you sometimes have difficulty in social situations and I wonder if you’ve ever considered that there might be a reason for it.' This approach makes the conversation less confrontational and more supportive.

Encouraging Self-Reflection

Encourage your friend to think about their own experiences. Ask if they have noticed patterns in their behavior that they find challenging. Questions like, 'Have you ever thought about your experiences or if there might be a recurring pattern in your behavior?' can help them reflect on their own experiences without feeling attacked or cornered.

Providing Resources

Offer to provide resources for further exploration. If your friend is open to the idea, suggest articles, videos, or support groups that can help them learn more about autism. Encourage them to explore these resources at their own pace. This can be a helpful way to support their journey of self-discovery.

Be Prepared for Various Reactions

Understand that your friend may react in different ways. They might feel defensive, confused, or grateful. Be ready to listen and provide reassurance. Regardless of their response, it is important to show support and be there for them.

Respecting Their Autonomy

Ultimately, it is their decision whether to seek a diagnosis or explore this further. Respect their right to make their own choices. Do not pressure them into taking any specific action. Emphasize that you are there to support them, not to take control.

It's also important to remember that your role is to support and encourage, not to diagnose or pressure them. Just be upfront and direct in your communication. If you were to try and dance around the topic or drop clues/innuendos, that might go over their head and could be misconstrued. Just be honest, and do your part to create a supportive environment. As for suggesting that someone gets checked out for something like diabetes, there's no reason to be concerned; you are not being insensitive or inappropriate if you share your concerns with your friend about HFA. The goal is to help them, not to embarrass or offend them.