Identifying the Signs of an Attachment Disorder in Your Partner

Understanding if your partner has an attachment disorder can be challenging, as these issues may not always be obvious. An attachment disorder can significantly affect the dynamics of a relationship, leading to emotional distance, inconsistency, and frustration. It's crucial to recognize the signs early to navigate this challenging relationship effectively.

The Push and Pull of Attachment Issues

One of the most common signs of an attachment disorder is the phenomenon of a push and pull in the relationship. Your partner may intermittently push you away emotionally, only to pull you back in. This behaviour is often referred to as regulating attachment, where they alternately exhibit suffering and indifference, making it difficult to predict their emotional responses.

Types of Attachment Disorders

Attachment disorders can manifest in different forms. The type of attachment disorder your partner has can influence their behaviour and how it affects your relationship. Here are some of the common types:

Avoidant Fearful Attachment: People with this type of attachment may want closeness but feel uncomfortable when it is given. They may appear emotionally distant, push away any attempts to get too close, and struggle with expressing emotions. Disorganized Attachment: This is characterized by inconsistent or confused behavior, often leading to unpredictable responses from your partner. They may have difficulty forming stable relationships and might frequently experience panic or fear in trusting others.

While most discussions about attachment disorders focus on Reactive Attachment Disorder (RAD), it is important to note that it is sometimes referred to as complex developmental Posttraumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD).

Adult Symptoms of Attachment Disorders

Adults with Reactive Attachment Disorder (RA) may exhibit symptoms similar to those seen in people with Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD). These symptoms include:

Emotional dysregulation Intense, unstable interpersonal relationships Persistence of immature patterns of behavior Chronic feelings of emptiness or worthlessness Suicidal or self-harming behaviours

When looking into attachment disorders, it's crucial to understand that these issues often begin in childhood. Signs during infancy include:

Not making eye contact Avoiding smiles or not initiating giggles or laughs Not reaching out for pick-ups or hugs Showing little to no comfort from soothing efforts Not seeming to notice your departure or return Extreme crying when separated from caregivers Avoiding physical contact Difficulty with self-soothing

During childhood, there may also be additional symptoms such as:

Aversion to physical contact Anger control issues Control problems Underdeveloped conscience Struggle with showing affection or care

While many children can "grow out" of these symptoms through emotional support and therapy, adults in relationships with someone who has an attachment disorder may still experience these issues, leading to a lack of emotional connection and anxiety surrounding physical contact.

Conclusion

Recognizing and understanding attachment disorders is crucial for those in relationships. By being aware of these signs, you can work towards a healthier and more stable relationship, providing a safe and supportive environment for both you and your partner.