Introduction

Throughout the annals of criminal history, there are countless examples of individuals making criminal incompetence their hallmark. These instances of poor planning and execution are not only entertaining but also serve as stark reminders of why criminal activities should be avoided at all costs. In this article, we’ll explore two such stories, both involving individuals who made the same critical mistake: underestimating the risk and consequences of their actions. Such tales are a reminder that staying ahead of the game requires more than just brawn and a plan.

The Pest Control Robbery

One such tale took place in the 1980s when I had a pest control contractor named Bob, known locally as the "Roach Man." Bob was not only ineffective in his pest control services—spraying the most toxic bug repellents imaginable—but also engaged in a startlingly incompetent crime. Bob used his own truck to rob a local Taco Johns restaurant.

This was no minor operation; the truck bore Bob’s company name, address, and phone number, providing an excellent trail for law enforcement. Upon his arrest, it didn’t take the police long to identify Bob. I kept using his services after his release from prison due to his reasonable rates. However, his time had clearly caught up with him, and it’s anyone’s guess whether he meets an untimely end from the toxic sprays or another criminal misadventure.

The Bank Robbery

During college, I worked at a small bank in 1970. A new accounts clerk was not present one day, and the bank manager was left to handle a potential client who wanted to open a savings account with a $50 deposit. The passbook method of tracking transactions made me suspicious from the start. Over the next ten days, the man would withdraw $5 in cash, only to return the next day to deposit it again. My discomfort transformed into certainty when I informed the manager that the man was “casing” the bank and likely planning to rob us.

The manager, being the younger and less experienced among us, found the clerk attractive and flirted with her, which made his cautionary words ring hollow. The man’s unusual coat and distinctive wool scarf—all gifts from his grandmother—added to the puzzle. On Christmas Eve, when the bank was getting ready to close, the man returned wearing the same coat and scarf, this time with a nylon stocking over his head and face. Sensing imminent danger, I activated the silent alarm.

Another criminal entered through a back entrance and started robbing three other tellers. When the masked man reached me with his gun pressed to my nose and his finger on the trigger, I heard a thud behind me—the manager had fainted on seeing the gun. The bank had already transferred the bulk of the cash to a vault, leaving just $3,500 when the two robbers left. The man was only charged for attempting to rob the bank, despite my feeling that he had gone overboard with the gun threats. He was sentenced to two years, minus the time he had already served in jail.

It was the young teller, the target of the manager’s flirtation, who recognized the man outside a store at the end of New Year’s Eve wearing the same coat and scarf. She promptly reported him, leading to his arrest. While the man regretfully admitted his mistakes, there’s still no confirmation of his accomplice’s identity.

The Chaos of the Silent Alarm

The most startling aspect of the robbery was the silent alarm’s malfunction. The new system had been installed the week before but had not been tested. Pressing the alarm rang the police department but resulted in no response. Lessons in criminal incompetence abound here, as the manager’s fear and surprise were palpable when he saw the gun, and the police response was entirely lacking.

It’s clear that criminal behavior, regardless of the strategy or resources involved, is fraught with pitfalls. These stories serve as cautionary tales about the chilling reality of criminal actions and the importance of thorough planning and realistic risk assessment.

Conclusion

Bob the Roach Man and the bank robber both exemplify the inescapable truth that criminal incompetence can ruin even the most well-thought-out plans. Whether it’s a pest control thruple for a Taco Johns or an ill-fated bank heist, these tales are a stark reminder that staying ahead of the game isn't just about having a plan; it’s about having foresight and the ability to operate within lawful and ethical boundaries.