My Disturbing Reaction to Seeing My Own Blood: A Personal Journey

When I was younger, blood wasn't just a colorful substance to me; it was an intriguing display of life and death. I enjoyed looking at it and even found the taste to be quite satisfying, although not so much when it came from a dead body. These days, blood doesn’t have the same strong effect on me; seeing a large amount might raise my eyebrows, but it no longer surprises me.

During my years of work, exposure to blood was a daily occurrence. If it weren't for the fact that I completely and permanently overcame any aversion I might have had to it, I might have gone mad. Adjusting to the regular sight of blood during my career has been a necessary adaptation.

A Personal Phobia: Seeing My Own Blood

It may sound strange, but the thought of seeing blood, even from myself, triggers a strange and deeply rooted reaction. Here’s why: people often faint when they see someone else's blood, and the same happens to me if the blood is my own, but not when it's from others. This reaction isn't just a physical one; it’s rooted in a deep emotional and psychological level.

Despite watching numerous gruesome crime documentaries and even witnessing a violent incident on social media, I didn't faint or vomit. Yet, the moment I see my own blood, I immediately feel the onset of dizziness and fear. For instance, on a couple of occasions where I almost seriously injured myself—cracking my hand in an uncomfortable manner or slightly slicing my thumb with a fresh razor—I fainted and even threw up.

The cut on my finger was less than an inch wide and barely deep, yet the fear of potential physical harm made me lose consciousness. Similarly, when my hand got caught in a towel rack and made a loud noise, I thought it might have broken, but instead, I was found on the ground 30 seconds later, a complete mystery to me.

Roots of the Fear

This reaction isn't just an irrational fear; it stems from a deep-seated anxiety about the pain and potential need for medical attention. The thought of breaking a bone or requiring stitches is so overwhelming that it causes me to faint. This fear is so extreme that it's never manifested in any other situation in my life, making it even more bizarre.

Replacing the fear of physical harm with a sense of cringing at even the thought of it has been a challenging journey. It’s a reminder that our minds can sometimes manifest fears in the most unexpected ways, and turning those fears into helpful coping mechanisms is an arduous but rewarding process.