My Terrifying 'Death' Experience: Overcoming Trauma and Seeking Help

Two months ago, a decision I made to experience what others call a 'high' almost cost me my life. Since that fateful moment, I've been questioning my existence, wondering if what I experienced was just another product of a traumatized mind.

The Night I Almost Died

On that night, around 2:45 am, I was the only one awake. I had purchased a whole roll of what I thought was good weed two days prior and decided it was a safe time to indulge. I went to the bathroom and began smoking, but it choked me so badly that I smoked it all anyway. I mistook the immediate disorientation for the effects I expected to feel when I went to bed. Instead, the experience started before I even realized it.

As I finished the last of it, I tried to reach the door, but my hand appeared so distant and surreal that I began to panic. I anxiously wondered if I would make it to my room without giving my mother a reason to worry. I pushed my way out of the bathroom, forgetting to turn off the light, and it only got worse. The fear and uncertainty were palpable as I lay on my bed, questioning my own sanity. Was I lying on the bed, the toilet, or outside?

A Manic Version of Myself

The intensity of the experience felt like a hyperreal amalgamation within me. It was as if a manic version of myself was mocking me, like there were two of us in my body. The chaos was overwhelming; I almost cried as I lay there, asking myself if this was even real. How many times did I see myself and realize how stupid I was in that moment? I saw things like myself reflecting on past mistakes, and I wished I had done different things. Conflicting voices echoed in my head, adding to the confusion.

The Aftermath: Trusting Reality Again

The next morning, I woke up, questioning everything. Did I die that day? Was I mad, and all of this was just in my mind? Or was I given a chance at life? My mind had become a battleground. What I saw and heard, even the simplest things, seemed fabricated. I was numb with regret, convinced I would never take weed again.

Random pains and sensations, even those that were common before the experience, made me question whether I was feeling my real body in the real world. The fear of talking to anyone was pervasive—every moment had become terrifying yet familiar. In the days that followed, I was haunted by thoughts of what happened and the constant fear of whether it was real or just an illusion.

Seeking Help and Recovery

As I struggled to make sense of my experience, my therapist helped me understand that this was a combination of trauma and drugs. Sometimes, it's one or the other, but often both. There was talk about past trauma and severe anxiety possibly playing a role. Therapy has been instrumental in providing me with the tools to navigate this journey.

It's crucial to recognize the signs of traumatic experiences and seek help accordingly. Recognizing the symptoms of overreliance on substances and the signs of mental distress can help individuals take the necessary steps to recover. Seeking medical advice, discussing these issues with a healthcare provider, and seeking therapy are essential steps.

While the experience was undeniably terrifying, it also emphasized the importance of mental health awareness and support. From my own experience, I can attest to the transformative power of therapy and the importance of addressing such issues head-on. If you are experiencing any symptoms of trauma or mental health issues, don't hesitate to seek help. You are not alone.