Narcissistic Personality Disorder: Understanding Awareness and Manipulation

Despite the common belief, individuals with narcissistic personality disorder (NPD) are fully aware of their actions and manipulative behaviors. However, the lack of empathy and arrogance associated with NPD may lead them to remain indifferent to the consequences of their deeds.

Understanding Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD)

Narcissistic Personality Disorder is a diagnosis based on the criteria outlined in the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders (DSM-5). However, it's rarely diagnosed due to the normalization of narcissistic behavior in society. Instead, I prefer using the term "narcissism" to NPD, acknowledging that many individuals with these traits may never seek or receive a formal diagnosis.

Narcissism entails a range of character traits such as lack of empathy, envy, arrogance, grandiosity, an inflated ego, and a sense of superiority. These behaviors often include actions like:

Lack of accountability Manipulation Lying Blaming Shaming Gaslighting Projection Deception Devaluing and discarding people

Narcissists can be categorized into two types: overt and covert. Overt narcissists are more visible and outwardly charming, often the life of the party. They demand attention, boastfulness, and can be outwardly rude or obnoxious. Covert narcissists, on the other hand, are more difficult to spot. They may appear humble, quiet, and empathetic, but have learned to feign these traits.

Are Narcissists Aware of Their Actions?

Yes, many individuals with narcissistic traits are fully aware of their actions and the effects on others. This is precisely what allows them to manipulate situations intentionally. For instance, after making a deliberately harmful comment, they can observe the response it elicits and then make the entire situation about that response. Their actions are driven by the desire to control and maintain the upper hand, often at the expense of others' well-being.

My experience has taught me that individuals with NPD are very aware of their behavior and the desired outcome. They carefully gauge the reaction they want from the situation and adjust their actions accordingly. In many cases, they go further by refusing to acknowledge their role in causing the negative response, thereby cementing their control over the interaction.

The Dangers of Covert Narcissism

Covert narcissists can be the most dangerous due to their deceptive nature. They may start by observing and learning about their targets in great detail, only to use this information to manipulate them later. Their ability to feign empathy and other positive traits can make them seem truly interested in others' feelings, leading targets to trust them deeply. This trust, however, is often misplaced since the relationships they foster are built on manipulation and control.

Covert narcissists can be like the snake in the grass, remaining hidden until it's too late. They may appear calm, collected, and even helpful, but their true intentions are hidden behind a fa?ade of apparent kindness. Their capacity to manipulate and deceive makes them a significant threat, especially in long-term, close-knit relationships.

Conclusion

Narcissists, whether overt or covert, are highly aware of their actions and their impact on others. Their manipulation is intentional and aimed at maintaining control and attention. Understanding this can help in recognizing and addressing such behavior, leading to healthier interpersonal relationships.