Navigating BPD: Explaining Quiet Borderline Personality Disorder to Loved Ones

Living with Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD) can be a challenging and often isolating experience, especially when it's hard to explain to loved ones. How do you convey the complexities of BPD without making it seem like a victim's mentality? In this article, we'll explore strategies and analogies to help you communicate more effectively with your friends and loved ones.

Understanding BPD and Communication

It's important to recognize that communication is a two-way street. Whether or not you're trying to be a victim, working on healing from your BPD is crucial. The actions you choose and the way you communicate them can have a significant impact on how others perceive you and interact with you. Starting from a place of self-compassion and intention can make all the difference in building both trust and understanding.

Exploring the Virtues of Empathy

One of the most effective ways to help loved ones understand your BPD is through the power of empathy and analogy. For instance, consider the analogy of snorkeling in shallow water. Imagine a scenario where you're standing in shallow water, afraid of the water, but deciding to give it a try. All of a sudden, a friend makes a sudden move, and you get distracted. In a moment of fear and panic, you might instinctively grab or push.

Analogy: Snorkeling in Shallow Water

Your friend might not understand your fear and think you're overreacting. After all, to them, the water is hardly coming over their knees and seems safe. However, to you, water can be extremely dangerous, and the fear of drowning, even in a few inches of water, is very real. These fear-based, impulsive reactions are your brain's way of protecting you in situations that it perceives as threatening.

The Role of a Trusted Support System

When you're struggling with BPD, having a support system that balances trust and boundaries becomes essential. Think of it as needing two people in your support network: a coach who helps you overcome your fears and a friend who can enjoy the waterline with you and help you practice without diving too deep.

A good friend will do two things:

Tell you that you need a coach to help you navigate your fears and overcome them. Help you from time to time but not always, allowing you to enjoy the present moment without the weight of always needing to perform.

Shift the burden to your coach while taking the joy to your friend. Both should be comfortable with the possibility of occasional incidents occurring during your practice.

Building Trust with Your Support Network

In some cases, friends might take on the role of the coach, but this can be challenging. It's crucial to have a designated coach who is trained and experienced in helping individuals overcome their fears. Many people leave when they can't find the right balance:

→ Disclosure: I coached someone who was afraid of swimming from not even able to enter the pool to the point where this person was able to swim in parts of the pool which were about shoulder deep. Many tears were shed in this process and the struggles of my BPD wife are in certain ways even harder as overcoming the fear of swimming. It's not easy and it's not something just any friend will do. You need to accept and respect this.

Building trust with both your coach and your friend takes time and effort. It's vital to communicate clearly about your needs and boundaries, and to be open to the process of healing and growth.

Conclusion

Explaining BPD to friends can be a complex and emotional journey. By using analogies and focusing on the importance of a balance between trust, boundaries, and support, you can bridge the gap between your experiences and your loved ones' understanding. Remember, healing from BPD is a lifelong process, but with the right support and communication, you can navigate it with greater ease and joy.