Navigating Conversations with Recovering Alcoholics: What to Avoid Saying

When speaking to a recovering alcoholic, it is crucial to approach the conversation with sensitivity and support. Here are some common phrases and comments to avoid, as well as best practices for offering encouragement and understanding.

Common Pitfalls to Avoid

1. Saying ldquo;Just stop already.rdquo; This can be tempting and undermines their commitment to sobriety. It can make them feel like they are not capable of achieving their goals. It is important to recognize the complexity of addiction and the challenges of recovery.

Discouraging and Minimizing Struggles

2. Comments like ldquo;Why are you still drinking?rdquo; or ldquo;Are you drinking again?rdquo; can be dismissive and minimize their struggles. These inquiries can come off as judgmental and may not acknowledge the nature of addiction. Such comments invalidate their feelings and experiences and can discourage the individual from seeking further support.

Best Practices for Supportive Communication

Instead of focusing on what the person is not doing, it is beneficial to focus on what they are doing and offering support and understanding. Listening and being there for them can be much more helpful.

Supportive Phrases and Actions

3. Instead of saying ldquo;This can be tempting;rdquo; say ldquo;I understand the challenges you are facing and I am here to support you.rdquo;

4. Instead of asking ldquo;Are you drinking again?rdquo; say ldquo;How are you feeling today?rdquo; or ldquo;How is your recovery going?rdquo;

Why Negative Comments Are Harmful

It is never a good idea to blame the individual for their addiction or say things like, ldquo;Well, it’s your own fault if you hadn’t started taking drugs or drinking, you wouldn’t have ended up with an addiction.rdquo; Portioning blame is never a good idea. No one starts out to get an addiction, and admitting they have a problem and seeking help is a huge step. So, as with most things in life, if you have nothing good to say, keep quiet.

Respect Their Privacy

Things like asking, ldquo;Are you drinking again?rdquo; or ldquo;Did you start back drinking again?rdquo; are rude and can be hurtful. Such comments imply that you donrsquo;t believe in their ability to maintain sobriety. Instead, show your support by asking how they are coping or if they need any help.

Discussing Recovery with a Therapist or Partner

1. When discussing a loved onersquo;s recovery with a therapist or partner, it is important to be cautious. Bring up their recovery only when they bring it up first or if it is necessary for the conversation. For example, if a spouse has been attending AA meetings for a while, avoid discussing the meeting or their absence unless they initiate the conversation.

2. Avoid saying things like, ldquo;I liked the old you better.rdquo; Sobriety changes everything; it requires a complete transformation. Respecting this change and supporting them during this process is crucial. If you must comment, be specific and positive, such as, ldquo;I see you are taking steps to avoid alcohol in public venues.rdquo;

3. Do not use addiction as a bargaining tool. This can have serious consequences. For instance, not long ago, someone I know used the argument that they could take a break from addiction to have a night off. This debate soured a 5-year streak of sobriety. It is important to avoid making such offers, as they can compromise an individualrsquo;s recovery journey.

Conclusion

Maintaining sensitivity and support is crucial when talking to a recovering alcoholic. By avoiding harmful comments and focusing on offering encouragement and understanding, you can contribute positively to their recovery journey.