Navigating Family Dynamics: Understanding and Overcoming Emotional Struggles

Have you ever felt more depressed than usual around your family? If so, you're not alone. Growing up, the bond of siblinghood can often be complicated, especially during formative years (0-8). Many individuals face the consequences of poor parenting, physical and mental fights, gossip, backstabbing, and utter disrespect. As we age, our bodies begin to communicate our needs, and we question ourselves, seeking better lives rather than simply pretending. This journey is a path of positive growth, but it can be challenging.

Understanding Personal Growth vs. Family Dynamics

It's crucial to understand that while you undergo personal growth, your family may not. They may retain their original, dysfunctional behaviors to maintain a united, albeit broken, unit. The goal here is not to deal with the dysfunction but to ensure everyone appears to be in lockstep, even if it's at the expense of substance. This mindset of appearance over substance is something to be aware of as you pursue therapy and healing.

Breaking Free from Negative Relationships

Not everyone has a meaningful, positive, or even existent relationship with their family members. Personally, I never had a meaningful relationship with my mother or some other family members, but I do enjoy very good relationships with people of her age. This trend in Nigeria often stems from societal expectations to "turn the tide" and align with the norms upon adulthood. While I tried, it's a very hard journey to change such deeply ingrained behaviors.

The Source of Your Anxiety

Your anxiety around your family can stem from a lack of trust, loyalty, and/or respect. These values are often not earned in the same way you may have experienced with friends, colleagues, or neighbors. However, societal and familial pressures often compel you to adhere to these unrealistic expectations. To do so, you must become someone you're not, and this is a decision you must make as it will impact your future significantly.

Breaking the Pattern: A Holistic Approach

To truly address these issues, you must analyze each family member individually. Reflect on your past experiences, conduct meditation, and keep a journal. These activities can help you deeply understand your feelings and perceptions. Additionally, seeking the assistance of a therapist who specializes in Family Scapegoat Abuse (FSA) can be tremendously beneficial.

A Path Forward

The road ahead may be tough, but with understanding and support, you can redefine your relationship with your family and overcome emotional struggles. Embrace the challenging journey of personal growth. Best of luck, my friend. You will be fine.