Navigating Mental Health Tragedies: Lessons from a Severe Manic Episode

My journey through mental health struggles took a dark turn during the height of the COVID-19 pandemic. This manic episode not only brought me to the brink of chaos but also forced me to confront my deepest fears and self-doubts. In this candid account, I will explore my experiences, the impact it had on my relationships, and the valuable lessons I learned along the way.

Triggered by Past Experiences

My severe manic episode during the pandemic was triggered by a person I had been involved with during a previous manic episode. This individual continuously attempted to re-enter my life, despite my initial rejection. As the episode took hold, I found myself caught in a whirlwind of promiscuity, driven by feelings of intense arousal and lust.

Believing in Magic and Seeing Auras

During this episode, I experienced psychosis, including delusions of seeing auras around people and believing in my own powerful witchcraft. These delusions were so deeply ingrained that I even thought I could read people's minds and sense their presence through energy.

Imperfect Relationships Under Siege

The relationship with my then-boyfriend, whom I loved deeply, was severely tested. I engaged in several sexually stimulating encounters with multiple people, each of whom had different levels of connection to me. These encounters extended for months, including a coworker who I considered a close friend.

Despite my feelings of innocence and love, the relationship deteriorated into domestic abuse. My boyfriend's behavior became increasingly violent and controlling. Eventually, I was forced to quit my job and my boyfriend reassured himself by having my psychiatrist diagnose me. This led to a bipolar disorder diagnosis along with borderline personality disorder.

Aftermath and Recovery

The episode finally ended seven months after the start of the pandemic and my boyfriend, realizing the severity, forced me to leave. This trauma reshaped our relationship, which only began to improve after a painful series of arguments and apologies. We eventually agreed to end the cycle of violence, but the scars remained.

Learning from this experience, I have since redirected my focus and sought to stay away from sexual stimuli to address an underlying addiction. My boyfriend and I are now working on rebuilding a healthier relationship, though it's a slow and continuous process.

Lessons Learned

The most profound lessons from this experience are that mental health is complex and multifaceted. My story highlights the importance of seeking professional help and the value of support systems. Understanding co-occurring conditions like borderline personality disorder and bipolar disorder is crucial for effective treatment and support. Lastly, self-compassion and forgiveness are essential for healing and personal growth.

My hope is to raise awareness and reduce the stigma surrounding mental health struggles. Although the road ahead is long, I am committed to truly understanding and healing from my past mistakes.