What Should I Do if I’m Scared of Becoming My Mother?

Exploring the complex relationship between a daughter and her mother, and the potential to internalize traits and behaviors that are not desired, can be a daunting thought. So, what steps can you take to avoid assuming these unwanted traits as you navigate motherhood?

Understanding Subconscious Influence

Your mother is a significant role model, and her actions, behaviors, and life choices can deeply influence you. As you transition into motherhood, it's crucial to be aware of these influences. One insightful book to consider is My Mother Myself. This book provides valuable insights into how our subconscious can mirror our parents' behaviors, making it essential to be conscious of your actions to prevent unwanted traits from becoming part of your identity.

The Power of Self-Awareness and Counseling

Self-reflection is key in identifying and addressing thoughts, beliefs, and behaviors that you want to avoid. If you recognize patterns or traits that you want to change, you're on the right path. However, it's important to note that situations and environments that may contribute to these unwanted behaviors are often not immediately apparent. In such cases, seeking professional counseling can be beneficial. A counselor can help you navigate these subconscious and conscious influences, offering strategies to break free from unwanted patterns and behaviors.

Building a Positive Relationship with Your Own Mother

Another critical aspect is fostering a positive relationship with your own mother. Beliefs about one's ability to have a good relationship with your mother play a significant role in your personal development. By focusing on positive interactions and maintaining a strong bond, you can create a healthier and more supportive environment for yourself and potentially for your child as well. Building a positive relationship can help you maintain a sense of self and ensure that the child develops a well-rounded personality.

Personal Development and Self-Improvement in Motherhood

It's natural to fear the idea of becoming your mother, as this can lead to anxiety and insecurity. However, remember that you are a unique individual, and your DNA is only 40% your mother's. Your father's contribution, along with environmental and life experiences, plays a significant role in shaping who you are. Therefore, while it's understandable to have concerns, statistically, you are likely to develop different traits and behaviors from your mother.

To address these fears, it's important to understand and identify their sources. For example, the fear may stem from the birth experience, personal identity changes, or the stress of parenting. By breaking down these fears and addressing each one individually, you can find solutions and strategies to overcome them. Books and resources that can aid in this process include:

Unassisted Childbirth by Laura Shanley: Provides valuable insights and reassurance about the childbirth experience, whether you plan on a home birth or not. Natural Childbirth the Bradley Way by Penny Simkin: Explains how contractions work and helps you understand and manage the 'pain' associated with childbirth. Unconditional Parenting by Alfie Kohn: Offers guidance on positive parenting techniques and helps you cultivate a healthy parent-child relationship. The Continuum Concept by Jean Liedloff: Provides deep insights into child-rearing and how it can positively impact your child's development. How to Raise a Healthy Child in Spite of Your Doctor by Henry_ORDER_004: Offers evidence-based advice to help you make informed healthcare decisions for your child.

While reading these books can be beneficial, it's important to remember that culture and societal influences shape our thoughts and behaviors strongly. By exploring these texts, you can dig into your own thoughts about motherhood and gain a better understanding of your gut feelings. This process can help you trust your instincts and make informed decisions.

Conclusion

As you embark on the journey of motherhood, it's essential to stay aware, self-reflect, and seek support when necessary. By understanding and addressing the fears and anxieties that arise, you can find ways to avoid becoming your mother while still embracing the profound experience of parenthood. Remember, you have the power to shape your own identity and ensure that your child grows up surrounded by a positive and nurturing environment.