Navigating Psychotherapy Challenges: What to Do If Therapy Feels Harmful

Have you noticed that your psychotherapy sessions are leaving you feeling worse rather than better? This is a concerning situation, especially if you've been in therapy for a prolonged period, such as three years, without significant progress. Whether you feel understood, accepted, or safe with your therapist is crucial. Here are actionable suggestions to help you address this issue constructively:

Is Your Therapy Beneficial? Key Guidelines to Assess

In evaluating whether your current therapy is beneficial, several guidelines can provide clarity. A good therapist should adhere to specific practices that ensure your well-being and therapeutic progress. Consider the following:

1. Consistency and Predictability

Therapy should not be fraught with unexpected upheavals. The frequency of sessions, cost, willingness to respond to emails, and other policies should remain consistent from week to week. Any changes should be communicated in advance to maintain reliability and trust. If you notice inconsistencies, it may be a sign that your therapist is not providing a stable and professional environment.

2. Focus on the Client

A good therapist should primarily focus on your well-being and issues. While some therapists may share personal experiences, it should be minimal. If your therapist spends more than a few minutes discussing themselves, it may indicate that they are not prioritizing your needs. Effective therapy is not solely an intellectual process but requires emotional understanding and connection.

3. Openness and Comfort with Feelings

Your therapist should provide a safe space for you to express difficult emotions. Crying or becoming upset should be allowed, and not discouraged. If the therapist tries to change your emotional state or overly reassures you, it may indicate that they are not promoting healthy emotional processing.

4. Setting the Pace

Your progress in therapy should be at your own pace. Some individuals may find relief in a few sessions, while others may require longer-term support. The therapist should respect and accommodate your rate of healing and self-growth.

5. Establishing Trust

A strong sense of trust is essential in therapy. You should feel safe, respected, and valued. If you do not feel these elements, it may indicate a lack of a therapeutic bond.

5 Policies of Good Therapists

Here are five critical policies that good therapists follow:

1. Trust Your Intuition

After a few sessions, you should have a gut feeling about whether the therapy is right for you. While therapy can be challenging, it does not necessarily mean it is harmful. Sometimes, experiencing deeper emotional insights can lead to positive change. Trust your instincts and consider if the therapy feels right for you.

2. Expertise and Empathy

A good therapist should be an empathetic guide rather than an authority figure. They should be willing to admit mistakes and adapt their approach based on your feedback. This flexibility is crucial for effective therapy.

3. Deep Understanding and Connection

Good therapy involves a deeper understanding of your emotional and psychological processes. You should feel understood and see a connection between your insights and your suffering. Insight alone is insufficient; it should lead to tangible improvement in your well-being.

4. Open Communication about Progress

Good therapists should openly discuss the progress of your treatment and address any stagnant elements. Transparent and honest conversations about your progress are essential. Problematic therapists might avoid discussions about progress or offer vague progress statements.

5. Encouraging Independence

Therapy should empower you to solve your problems and manage your emotions. Over-reliance on the therapist can hinder your personal growth. Therapists should encourage you to access your inner resources and find your own solutions.

How Can You Tell If Your Therapist Is Helping You?

Here are some practical ways to determine if your therapist is effectively supporting your mental health:

1. Comfort and Safety

Do you feel safe and comfortable in sessions? Can you easily make small talk, or does the therapist feel cold and emotionally distant? Does the therapist seem overly emotional or distant? These feelings can indicate the therapist's approach is not a good fit.

2. Philosophical Compatibility

Does the therapist approach human beings with empathy and optimism? Do they believe humans are inherently loving and lovable? Ensure the therapist's philosophy aligns with your values to create a more meaningful therapeutic relationship.

3. Clear Explanation of Benefits

A good therapist should be able to explain how their approach can help you. They should provide a basic "road map" and communicate how you can recognize improvement. This transparency is crucial for patients to understand their journey.

4. Peer Support and Consultation

Therapists should seek regular peer consultation to enhance their practice. This consultation provides feedback, perspective, and alternate approaches. It ensures they are updated on best practices and can improve their treatment methods.

5. Acceptance of Feedback

A healthy therapist is open to feedback and willing to acknowledge mistakes. They should seek self-reflection and be transparent about their emotional responses. This openness fosters a healthier therapeutic environment.

6. Encouraging Self-Reliance

Good therapy should empower you to solve your own problems rather than relying solely on the therapist. Encourage your therapist to help you develop independence and self-awareness.

7. Personal Experience with Therapy

A therapist who has undergone their own therapy may provide more empathetic and insightful guidance. Such therapists often have a better understanding of the healing process.

8. Relevant Experience

Therapists with extensive experience in addressing specific issues are better equipped to help you. Their expertise can significantly enhance the effectiveness of your therapy.

9. No Promises or Guarantees

A good therapist should offer hope but no absolute promises. Healing takes time and effort, and while some may achieve significant progress, others may struggle. Understand that therapy is a process, and healing is possible but not guaranteed.

10. Ethical Standards

A therapist should adhere to ethical principles, including maintaining professional boundaries and confidentiality. Dual relationships can harm the therapy process, so ensure the therapist is committed to ethical practices.

By following these guidelines, you can better assess whether your therapist is genuinely helping you or if it might be time to seek a new approach. Remember, your well-being is paramount, and it's your right to find a therapist who genuinely supports your mental health journey.