Navigating Relationships with a Parent Suffering from Obsessive-Compulsive Personality Disorder

Recently, I discovered my mother has obsessive-compulsive personality disorder (OCPD), and it seems that I may have it too. My mom has a peculiar inclination towards punctuality, perfection in her job, and a strong desire to maintain a comfort zone. She is also hesitant to try new things and likes to set boundaries, even going as far as to stop us from making silly jokes when we were children.

I originally thought she was being a protective parent because our father was not taking care of his duties, or maybe she was a perfectionist. However, it now appears that she may have developed this condition after marrying my father or possibly an anxiety disorder. Regardless, she has our best interests at heart and wants to do her best for her children. Living with a mother like hers can sometimes be challenging because we feel like we are being treated as children even when we are adults, and she insists on doing everything for her children.

It's important to distinguish between OCPD and Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder (OCD). While both share some similarities, they are distinct conditions, and the approaches to handling them can differ. Regardless of the specific diagnosis, if she is receiving some type of treatment, it is crucial for her to understand her condition and how it affects you. She needs to make an effort to protect you from her symptoms.

From what I can gather, she has likely had this condition for a while, and no one was aware of it. Now might be a good time to set some boundaries. For instance, you may have to tell her that while she is allowed to have her own rules and preferences in her home, she should not impose them on yours. If she is a cleanliness fanatic, for example, you may need to let her know that her standards are acceptable only in her home and not in yours. If she is an obsessive hand washer, you should have a firm stance against allowing her to make you follow her routines.

It is also important to communicate to her that you do not wish her to extend her obsessions onto your children. When I was raising my kids, I experienced extreme anxiety and had to work hard to avoid projecting my fears onto them. The same principle applies to your mother. Encouraging your mother to acknowledge and address her behavior is crucial.

Lastly, remember to love your mother. It can be difficult to understand and deal with her condition, but it is essential to maintain a supportive and loving relationship. Although it may be challenging, especially for adult children, it is worth it. With a little compassion and understanding, you can make things work and help your mother lead a happier and healthier life.