Navigating the Challenges of Convincing an Alcoholic and Smoker to Change

Manipulate or convince: Wow and on top of that, you want them to stop their vices. Good luck with that one!

Sometimes you can't. I knew a guy that abused both alcohol and tobacco for years. When advised to 'ease up' on either one, he'd just laugh. THEN came the day he was diagnosed with both liver cancer and lung cancer at the same time, directly linked to alcohol and tobacco abuse. Just before he died, he said, 'I should have listened.' He was an adult making his own decisions. Same thing here. They have to do it for themselves, no one can 'force' them.

Personal Experience: A Turning Point

I know of two cases. One is myself. When I was 21, I drank heavily every night with friends, often ending up close to drunk, for a full year during my college studies. During one obligatory college marathon, I went to it without any sleep, just from my drinking night. I ended up in the penultimate place, just behind someone who was about to collapse. Being young, I jumped to conclusions very quickly: the smokes and drinks...

It didn't even occur to me that I hadn't slept a wink that night. I was Superman! Out of 64 participants, I came in 63rd. I decided on the spot to stop all drinks and smokes, and I did. To this day, no one told me it was a self-determined decision. The only way. Years later, I was mentoring a nephew of mine, in a similar situation. A very bright person, I continually gave him data and information on the damage his body was receiving, without giving him the outright advice to stop drinking and smoking. I would present him with timelines showing the damage to his body and how he would be in 5 and 10 years. He continued drinking and smoking, got his college degree, and went to Europe to get a PhD, which he did.

One day, I received a postcard from him: he had given up smoking and drinking for good. It wasn't possible to do so without a personal appraisal and decision. Years later, his sister told me he had quit because he knew the harm he was causing to his health.

The Unfortunate Reality

You don't and can't: it is absolutely no use. Repeat: it is no use.

The only and best thing you can do is make sure any and all consequences of the addict's habits are borne exclusively by the addict themselves. Cleaning up the mess that the person inevitably causes will itself cause both the habit and the mess to escalate. Mind you, if you were to take such a resolution, the addict will either hit rock bottom and have no choice but to heed and address the problem, or they will die. There is no middle ground. The chances they will seek the help so desperately needed are not great. But however small those chances are, they are greater than zero, which are the chances of recovery should you continue to actively or passively enable the addict.

I truly am sorry to break this to you so bluntly, but that's just the way it is. Believe me, I know.

Consider these key takeaways:

Recovery is a personal journey, not something that can be forced. Providing information and data can help create awareness, but ultimately the decision must come from the individual. Enabling addictive behaviors can lead to escalation of the problem, and in some cases, can be fatal. Encouraging the addict to take responsibility for their actions can help them reach a turning point.

Resources and Support

If you or someone you know is struggling with substance abuse, consider these resources to find support and treatment:

National Helpline: Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration (SAMHSA) Addiction Treatment Center Finder National Institute on Alcohol Abuse and Alcoholism (NIAAA) Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC) Smoking Data