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Personal Insights: Experiencing Psychosis and Coping with Borderline Personality Disorder

January 07, 2025Health2004
Personal Insights: Experiencing Psychosis and Coping with Borderline P

Personal Insights: Experiencing Psychosis and Coping with Borderline Personality Disorder

I have experienced psychosis in the recent years. My psychosis manifests through a “reality” where I believe everyone can hear my thoughts, which are 'thought broadcasting', and gain insights into my life without my knowledge. This is a highly unpleasant yet temporary state for me, and it profoundly impacts my daily life.

Extending my term to include spiritual emergency, I can describe my experience as moments of exultation, confusion, euphoria, ecstasy, peace beyond understanding, and awe. These experiences highlight the intense and varied emotional shifts, often triggered by external sources that feel quite overwhelming.

Multiplicity of Episodes

I have had multiple episodes of psychosis, and although each episode is unique, they share a common thread. Each episode is characterized by extreme emotions triggered by an external source, which are often expressed intensely and sometimes violently. On one occasion, there was a brief moment between the trigger and the expression of these emotions where I could fight off the episode. It felt like a curtain of unreality descended between me and the world, similar to being in a nightmare.

Impact on Personal Relationships

The episodes also affected my personal relationships, particularly in the past when I used to experience it all the time. For example, I used to think my girlfriend was cheating on me when she wasn't. This paranoia and lack of sleep led to intense mental states that I now recognize as paranoia. The worst part is that I actually believed my thoughts to be true, and this affected my mental state to an unrecognizable point, which is only evident retrospectively. While substances can contribute to such states, they are not the only contributing factor.

Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD)

Besides psychosis, I also have experience with BPD, which often manifests rarely yet in intense forms. For instance, one of the earliest occurrences was when I was around 14 years old. I was rejected by a girl from junior high school, which led to a series of negative thoughts and self-deprecating beliefs: 'If this average-looking girl doesn’t like me, no one will.' This thought process spiraled out of control, leading to a considerable emotional turmoil that was difficult to deal with. Thankfully, this was over 30 years ago, and I have had time to heal and develop coping strategies.

Medical Management

My current medical management includes seeking the advice of a neurologist and adjusting medication levels, particularly for conditions like Dilantin. I experienced a situation where my Dilantin level was at 35, indicating it was right for my medication based on my diet. However, a healthy level should be around the mid-teens to 20. This level can be unstable, and fluctuations can lead to weight and toxicity issues, which can manifest as mental health symptoms.

Furthermore, the medication levels can be high or too low, leading to extremely negative effects. An Epileptic Doctor or neurologist will tell you that medicating for epilepsy is a form of fine-tuning the treatment, not a generalized one-size-fits-all approach. The medication can fluctuate and have unexpected side effects, which is why an interdisciplinary approach is essential, especially when dealing with conditions like epilepsy that can impact brain function.

Additionally, a neuropsychologist's perspective helps in diagnosing issues from a standpoint of TBI and its effects on the brain. This perspective can provide insights into problems caused by scar tissue in the brain that could be contributing to my symptoms.

Conclusion: While experiencing psychosis and BPD can be challenging, it is important to seek help from healthcare professionals who can offer a comprehensive approach to treatment and management. Embracing a holistic perspective, including medical, psychological, and neurobiological insights, can lead to better understanding and effective coping strategies.