Introduction

My Unique Background and Early Testosterone Experience

From a very early age, my journey was not typical. Due to a rare pituitary condition present from birth, I had extremely low levels of testosterone (T). This condition meant that the doctors in the early 1960s suggested surgically altering my anatomy and raising me as a girl. However, my family did not agree with this approach, and we instead chose to wait and see how my body would develop naturally over time. As I grew older, my anatomy gradually improved, but another milestone that waited for me was circumcision, which I underwent at the age of 5.

The Discovery and Impact of Testosterone Replacement Therapy (TRT)

The turning point came in 2011 when an endocrinologist discovered my extremely low T levels, prompting him to prescribe testosterone replacement therapy (TRT). My T level, at 112, was almost double what is considered normal for a woman with high T, but significantly lower than the average male T level of 600. The typical range for normal male T is between 350 and 1200.

Unfortunately, the effects of TRT had a profound and often distressing impact on me. I found myself struggling to maintain the emotional depth and breadth I once enjoyed. My personality shifted to feeling more aggressive, which went beyond the typical "roid rage" associated with T use. I also experienced an uncontrollable libido, with daily hard erections and a sexual drive that I didn't know how to handle. This was far from normal male sexual function, and it exacerbated the already challenging experience I was having.

Transition and the Move to Hormone Replacement Therapy (HRT)

After living with the side effects of TRT for a period, I decided to transition to hormone replacement therapy (HRT). The decision to cut back on testosterone was not an easy one, as it meant leaving behind a significant part of my body's chemistry. However, the relief and positive changes I experienced were well worth the adjustment.

Within hours of starting estrogen (estradiol) and spironolactone (spiro), I began to feel a profound shift in my emotional well-being. The anger, confusion, and dysphoria that had been a constant since my childhood started to subside. I became more passive and emotionally stable, no longer prone to outbursts of testosterone-driven fury. I also became more sensitive, prone to sobbing during confrontations, but in a healthier, more controlled way.

One of the significant improvements was my emotional resilience. I found myself better able to cope with the various challenges posed by my family, and I no longer felt the crippling effects of testosterone-driven aggression. My personality transformation allowed me to leave behind the passive aggressive behavior that had become a hallmark of my interactions with others.

Closing Thoughts and Future Outlook

While I may not identify as trans in the strictest sense, the decision to transition to HRT has been a pivotal moment in my life. I am more certain than ever that I am on the right path. The transformation I have experienced has been overwhelmingly positive, and I am more satisfied with myself than I have been in years. The next few months promise to be a period of significant change, but I am confident that they will also bring even greater happiness and contentment.

For now, I am no longer in the presence of testosterone. I am past it and embrace a new chapter filled with hope and optimism.