The Harrowing Days of Addiction: A Sealed Deck and Beyond

My journey through addiction is filled with dark days, each one serving as a stark reminder of why I needed to change. One particularly harrowing day stands out: a mix of despair, desperation, and the finalized moment when I truly accepted I was addicted to meth. This article delves into several of the worst moments that shaped my transition from addiction to recovery.

Tragic Realization and the Sealed Deck

Walking out of that sealed deck of cards I thought I had forgotten about, I deluded myself into thinking I had a deck back. What I neglected to remember was that heat cottons were a thing of the past; I got cotton fever, a painful and dangerous side effect of dirty needles and cottons.

Each day in active addiction is a void of despair, soullessness, and desperation. It's even more challenging when you've been sober and understand there is a solution, only to fall back into using. The compulsion to use, despite not needing or wanting to, is exhausting and disheartening. One of the most painful aspects of addiction is when you can no longer justify the harm it causes, yet you're powerless to stop it.

Begging and Stealing from Loved Ones

One of the darkest times for me was when I turned to my grandmother for help. In my desperation to fund my addiction, I began to beg and then stole from her. I emotionally abused her, extracting funds in a cycle of wanting to continue using and taking outrageous lengths to fuel that desire. The guilt and shame that followed were overwhelming and served as a painful reminder of just how far I was willing to go for a fix.

My addiction also involved delusions and extreme actions, such as the time I went to beg for money after my hero inhaling clear into mephapotamia. Six days later, I was seen by a midget stabbing a 430-pound, 6-foot-7-inch man with a sword crafted from shampoo bottles. I had to vomit that image out of my head. The reality of my actions hit me hard, and I knew I had to make a change.

The Meth Addict in High School

Reflecting back, I realize my slide into meth addiction was inevitable. In high school, I tried pot but disliked it. Years later, I found myself back in a similar situation, but now with meth. My boyfriend, a narcissist, was the primary source of my meth supply, giving me just enough to stay addicted. He was slowly breaking me down, and I could see the way forward to sobriety. Next week, I would seek help to break free from this addiction.

I am not proud of the path I took, but I am determined to get the help I need. Saying never to addiction is foolish, as it can happen to anyone. I need to choose to make things right and reclaim my life from meth's grip.