The Journey to Self-Preservation: A Personal Narrative

The phrase ldquo;self-preservationrdquo; might seem foreign or overly dramatic, but it is a constant part of our lives. We enact it in countless small ways every day, from eating nutritious food to ensuring regular check-ups with doctors and dentists. It is a deep-seated, often subconscious drive that ensures our survival and wellbeing. However, it can also be a profound and transformative experience, as illustrated in the evolving story of self-preservation in my own life.

Exploring the Concept of Self-Preservation

Your question, Mr. Adams, sparked a journey down memory lane, reflecting on moments when I was forced to place my own wellbeing first. Initially, the term ldquo;self-preservationrdquo; evoked images of reacting to immediate threats, but upon deeper reflection, it became clear that it is a more nuanced and ongoing process.

I truly began to realize the need for self-preservation after my ex-partner, a person who once held so much sway in my life, attempted to brush off his infidelity. His actions, combined with a decade of silent neglect, left profound emotional scars. The silent treatment, a form of emotional abuse, is a silent scream that can linger for years. Facing these demons head-on and taking steps to protect myself was a crucial turning point in my life.

A Necessary Turning Point

It wasn’t until I took a step back that I truly understood the depth of the emotional wounds caused by my ex-partner’s actions. The distance we moved, seven hours away from where he had left, allowed me some breathing room, but the memories and the hurt were always there. The decision to focus on self-preservation was a conscious choice, one that allowed me to heal and rebuild my life without the shadows of the past.

Looking to the Future

As I reflect on my journey, I can see a pattern of self-preservation in my life stages. My first marriage was all about being a supportive stepmother, while my second marriage saw me as the devoted wife of a successful businessman. With my third husband, I stood by him during near-death events, showing yet another facet of my caregiving nature. Now, at last, it’s a different story: all about me. This is a refreshing and sometimes intimidating change, but it is also empowering. It is about prioritizing myself and ensuring that my needs are met first.

A Path to Healing and Growth

Twenty years ago, at the age of 28, I sought therapeutic help for trauma, specifically religious trauma from my time as a Jehovah’s Witness. My journey began with a deep and deep-seated belief in my faith, which eventually led me to question and challenge those beliefs. I was raised in a rigorous and structured environment where questioning the faith was not just discouraged but punished. Leaving the church was both liberating and terrifying, as it meant leaving behind a structured and supportive life.

The process of leaving was not easy. The shunning by my church and the loss of family and friends were deeply painful. The near-death experience of losing my stepfather, followed by the death of my adoptive father, was a stark reminder of life’s fragility. In the midst of this crisis, I reached out for help rather than giving in to despair. Seeking therapy was the turning point, and it led to a series of revelations and healing.

Through these experiences, I learned to trust others and develop new coping mechanisms. I discovered the importance of self-care and being an active participant in my own wellbeing. Carving out time for personal reflection and spiritual development became a vital part of my daily routine. I have found love again, twice, and have embraced a life where giving back and nurturing my own soul are paramount.

Conclusion

The journey to self-preservation is not a destination but a continuous process. It involves acknowledging our vulnerabilities, seeking help, and making choices that prioritize our own wellbeing. It might be late to start, but it is never too late to begin. By learning to love and care for ourselves, we not only heal but also grow into stronger, more resilient individuals.