The Looming Shadow of Trauma: My Journey of Remorse and Redemption

Understanding and Overcoming Trauma

There is no worse feeling on earth than being the reason someone is traumatized. Especially someone who was truly great to you. I was emotionally abusive to my ex in many ways and caused her severe trauma. I allowed my own unresolved trauma to cause so much pain to the only woman that ever loved me purely and in a healthy manner. I can’t explain it but I was in a fog my entire time with her. When I look back now, I can’t believe what I did.

It's crucial to acknowledge the immense impact of our actions on others. I knowingly and unknowingly caused significant trauma to someone through emotional abuse. This lesson is both humbling and heartbreaking, yet undeniably necessary for personal growth.

The Roots of My Guilt and Shame

Guilt and shame have consumed me for a long time. The regrets are so hard to bare. Sometimes however, all you can do is accept the bad karma that you deserve. In order to traumatize someone, usually that means they gave you a million chances to be good to them and you failed every single time. I was not the victim here; I must cope with my suffering understanding that what I put her through is far worse.

The worst part of it all is that she will never know just how remorseful I am for how I treated her. I lost the right to speak to her so long ago. I am blocked on everything, and I believe she’s engaged now.

The Path to Healing and Acceptance

I have caused someone trauma and I didn’t mean to. I really hate myself for it and I ran away from the person. While I might not be responsible for it completely, and the person did cause a lot of it to themselves, I took all the blame because I felt ashamed and guilty. I spent too much time overthinking the pain I had caused and how I would be seen by others. I kept it a secret and isolated myself from most people.

Only recently did I start going to therapy and finally got the courage to talk about it. It was a huge relief, but I still feel the guilt and hate towards myself. I’ve tried talking to the person I’ve caused this to twice but they don’t want to forgive me, and I understand that.

Everyday, I keep reminding myself that I’m a bad person and that this will be with me until the rest of my life. But recently, a few friends I cut off accepted me when I confessed. They told me they were worried about me and that they are on my side. I’m slowly starting to heal, but it’s really difficult. I became paranoid due to the fear of my closest people finding out, but eventually, I confessed to a few close friends.

Advice for Those Crippled by Regret

If you ever cause someone pain and regret it that you feel like you can’t live with yourself, please go talk to a therapist. They can help you process your emotions and start the healing journey. Acknowledge the mistakes you’ve made, face them head-on, and seek support. Whether it's through therapy, support groups, or confiding in close friends, letting go of the burden of guilt is crucial.

Remember, what goes around will always come back around, and if you have any sort of conscience, your actions will haunt you for quite a while. I was a good human who lost my moral and values along the way, and I’ve been paying a heavy cost for some time now. It takes a lot of courage, self-reflection, and acceptance to overcome the trauma caused by your actions, but it’s possible.

Conclusion

Life is a complex tapestry of choices, and each thread we weave reflects the wisdom and values we hold dear. My journey to understanding and accepting the damage I’ve caused is far from over, but every step forward is a testament to the resilience of the human spirit. We must listen to ourselves and seek the help we need to move beyond the shadows of our past.