The Psychological Games of an Alcoholic: Why Do They Blame Others for Their Addiction?

The blame game is a common tactic used by individuals struggling with alcoholism as a means to evade accountability for their actions. This article explores the different games alcoholics play, their motivations, and the profound impact on family dynamics. Understanding these dynamics is crucial for developing effective coping strategies and support systems.

The Blame Game: Why Do They Do It?

Alcoholism is a complex disease, often misunderstood and misstagged. When an alcoholic blames others, it’s not merely to deflect blame; it stems from a deeper psychological and emotional struggle. Here are some of the most common games an alcoholic might play:

The You Nagged Me Game

“You nag me so I drink to escape.” This is a common theme in families where an alcoholic works to deflect attention away from their habits. They blame the nagging as the catalyst for their drinking, thereby absolving themselves of responsibility. However, it's essential to recognize that the focus on drinking is more about the problem than the nagging itself.

The Im Too Nervous Without It Game

“I just have to have a few drinks to loosen up.” This game involves using alcohol as a crutch to manage anxiety or stress. By feigning vulnerability, alcoholics portray themselves as victims, shielding themselves from the harsh truth that drinking is exacerbating their issues, not alleviating them.

The I Can Quit Anytime Game

“This isn’t a problem; I’m in complete control.” This line is one of the most harmful and deceptive, as it breeds false confidence and negates reality. Alcoholics in denial often believe they can control their drinking, even when evidence clearly shows otherwise. This delusion is often fueled by the lie that they are unique in their condition and can overcome it without professional help.

The Im Going to Quit Drinking Game

“I’m quitting. I don’t like what alcohol turns me into.” This statement is common among those who recognize the negative impact of alcohol but struggle to take immediate action. The promise of quitting is a coping mechanism, often employed to gain sympathy or divert attention from their continued struggle with substance abuse. In reality, unless they seek professional help, such a declaration is rarely followed through.

An Unhealthy Cycle: Why Engaging in These Games is Harmful

Hmm, these games don’t just deflect blame; they also deplete the self-esteem of the alcoholic. Each disappointment and failed attempt at control further damages their self-image, making it even harder to break free from the cycle. It’s important to note that alcoholics are not deliberately playing games. Instead, they are often caught in a vicious cycle of denial and self-deception, unable to recognize the gravity of their situation. The disease of alcoholism often blinds individuals to the truth, forcing them to act as if they can control their behavior, despite overwhelming evidence to the contrary.

Classification of the alcoholic’s behavior as ‘playing’ is, in itself, misleading. The disease of alcoholism is far more than a choice or a game; it is a relentless and destructive cycle.

Smoking-It-Out: The Impact on the Family

Alcoholism is a family disease, affecting not just the alcoholic, but also everyone around them. This pandemic of denial, blame, and self-deception often leaves family members confused, hurt, and powerless to change the situation. The actions of an alcoholic in blaming others can lead to:

Blame: Family members are often drawn into an unhealthy cycle of justifying or excusing the alcoholic's behavior. This blame can come from both the alcoholic and the rest of the family, leading to ongoing conflict. Denial: Many family members deny the extent of the problem, enabling the alcoholic to continue their behavior. This inaction stems from a desire to protect the alcoholic and avoid confrontation. Dependency: The co-dependent relationship can be detrimental, as seen in the example of the daughter who moved to Florida with a boyfriend in an ongoing 12-step program. Both were using each other for emotional support, making it hard for either to seek help independently.

Seeking Help for Alcoholism: A Family Journey

Breaking free from the blame game and seeking help for alcoholism requires both individuals and families to take meaningful steps. Here are some actionable strategies:

Professional Treatment

Alcoholism is a medical condition, and seeking professional help is the first and most crucial step. Treatment options can range from inpatient rehabilitation to support groups like Alcoholics Anonymous (AA). These resources provide the guidance, support, and strategies needed to overcome addiction.

Support Groups for Families

Alcoholism affects the entire family, and family support groups can help. Programs like Al-Anon and Nar-Anon offer mutual support and understanding, helping family members navigate the challenges of the disease. These groups provide a safe space to express feelings, share experiences, and gain coping strategies.

Open Communication

Engaging in open, honest communication is vital. Set aside time for family meetings to discuss feelings and concerns. Encourage the alcoholic to address their issues directly while also supporting them in professional treatment. A united front often helps overcome the blame game.

Setting Boundaries

Establishing clear boundaries can protect the family from the negative impact of the alcoholic's behavior. Boundaries can include setting limits on behavior, maintaining mutual respect, and ensuring the family does not enable the alcoholism.

Ultimately, alcoholism is a challenging and emotionally draining disease, but with the right support and resources, individuals and families can overcome the blame game and work towards recovery.