The Quest for Wild Haggis: A Bizarre Scottish Delicacy

It is becoming increasingly difficult to find wild haggis in the shops these days as over-hunting and loss of natural habitat have had a significant impact. However, if you are determined to indulge in the authentic flavor of this unique Scottish delicacy, you might be able to find it in the most unexpected places. This article will guide you on the various methods to locate wild haggis, from where to look to how to catch them.

Where to Find Wild Haggis

Wild haggis are elusive creatures, often found above the tree line amidst the heather. After the industrial revolution, they gave up the ability to fly due to the invention of powered flight, making it easier for humans to catch them. If you are intent on stalking them, remember to climb the mountains counterclockwise to approach without alerting the critters. Don't worry about the wind, as they also gave up their ability to taste the air due to the smog pollution.

Tips for Catching Wild Haggis

Truly 'wild' haggis are very rare. Most of the colonies in Scotland are the result of animal rights activists releasing them from battery farms. These domestically bred types are ill-equipped to live in the wild and often struggle to hunt for their own food, leading to poor growth and fattening. You can relatively easily catch them by leaving a dish of tatties (potato) in a clearing in the woods. However, be prepared for the tough and inedible texture of the haggis due to their struggle for survival. Missing legs or body parts are not uncommon, making the meal less economical.

Somewhat more fortunate are those residing in zoos. However, they are secretive creatures, often hiding behind logs in their cages.

Truly in the Highlands

To find truly wild haggis, you'll need to travel right up north into the Highlands. Find a dense forest, sit on a hilly area in the dark, and wait for a haggis to run by. They are very slow due to their shape and irregular leg lengths. Only approach clockwise, and use your kilt to envelop them gently to avoid bruising.

Responsible Hunting Practices

Follow the 'pack leader' if you come across them in the wild. It is crucial to respect the protected status of wild haggis. Hunting them out of season carries severe penalties due to their protected status. Additionally, wild haggis are fierce and will not hesitate to bite if provoked.

Conclusion

While the quest for wild haggis can be a challenge, knowing where to look and how to find them can make it possible. Just remember to respect their natural habitat and the laws protecting them.