Trauma and Its Lasting Impact: A Personal Journey

In my life, several traumatic events have shaped who I am today. From the introduction of a new allergy medication that led to severe health issues and depression, to childhood medical emergencies and the psychological abuse suffered in a previous relationship, these experiences have left me with a deep skepticism towards both medical interventions and certain aspects of faith. Let's delve into these experiences in more detail.

Medication and Mental Health: A Cautionary Tale

The summer before entering 8th grade, my allergist switched me to a new allergy medication that had recently hit the market. Over the course of that year, I experienced a significant amount of illness, leading to the development of suicidal depression. Prior to this, I had always been a driven, proactive individual, but the medication took a toll on my mental and physical health.

When I finally confided in my mother about my struggles, she spoke with multiple doctors and our pastor. I expected the pastor to provide spiritual guidance and suggest ways to channel joy through faith. However, it was the allergist who called my mother, informing her that the medication I had been on since the previous summer was under FDA review for causing suicidal ideation and lowering the immune system. Other individuals, including a ten-year-old boy, had also committed suicide while taking it.

Within a few weeks of discontinuing the medication, I felt a profound improvement in my mental and physical health. I felt like I had a new lease on life. This experience left me with a deep distrust of medication and a skepticism towards faith, which is supposed to bring joy. I now view both Big Pharma and feelings-based faith movements with a critical eye, considering their potential to profit at the expense of emotional and physical well-being.

Childhood Trauma and Medical Emergencies

My early childhood was marked by medical emergencies and unforeseen circumstances. These experiences did not adequately prepare me for the challenges of daily life, making me particularly vulnerable to exploitation by others. For instance, one traumatic incident involved being hit in the head with a rock by my brother, resulting in a serious gash that required five hours in the emergency room at 7:30 PM. Although my brother, who was around 4.5 feet tall at the time, intended to hit my foot, his action caused a wound that was several inches long, which only required surgical glue. The scar remains a physical reminder of that day, and my brother faced consequences for his actions.

These early childhood traumas were compounded by the psychological abuse I endured in a subsequent relationship. The constant and relentless emotional and mental abuse eroded my trust in others, leaving me hyper-vigilant and disrupting my sense of self. The impact was gradual but profound, and it forced me to develop unhealthy coping mechanisms. Now, I am in the process of rebuilding and cultivating new, healthier habits.

Reflecting on Healing and Resilience

Nearly thirty years later, the lessons from these experiences continue to shape my worldview. I remain highly skeptical of medication, viewing it with a critical eye as both personal and pharmaceutical interests may influence its efficacy and safety. Similarly, I caution against feelings-based faith movements, which often prioritize emotional satisfaction over the deeper, more transformative aspects of faith. I believe that both medical interventions and certain aspects of faith should be approached with a healthy dose of skepticism and critical evaluation.

Through these challenges, I have learned resilience and the importance of seeking truth and well-being through a balanced and critical perspective. Dealing with trauma is a journey of self-discovery and recovery, and understanding the roots of these experiences has been crucial in my ability to navigate life's challenges with more confidence and compassion.