Why Do I Feel Ashamed After My First Therapy Session?

Many people feel ashamed or uncomfortable after their first therapy session, and you are not alone. It is completely normal to feel vulnerable and perhaps even slightly raw after discussing personal issues, especially if you have never spoken about them before. When you open up and bring to light experiences you may have kept hidden for years, it can be incredibly difficult. For those who have undergone abuse, the process of revealing such experiences can be as traumatic as they were at the time.

If you find yourself feeling ashamed after a therapy session, there are several factors to consider. First, it's important to understand that this feeling might not necessarily indicate that you need a new therapist. Joining therapy is in itself a brave step towards healing, and it's normal to experience a range of emotions after a vulnerable conversation.

What to Consider When Feeling Ashamed in Therapy

Several reasons could lead to feeling ashamed during a therapy session. One such reason is the approach of your therapist. For example, if your therapist is overly aggressive or raises doubt in ways that echo your own negative self-talk, it can be extremely challenging and even harmful. A good therapist should support and empathize with you, not make you question your worth or sanity.

Another reason could be the therapist's questioning style. If the questions seem harshly critical and reflect your inner critic's tone, it can trigger feelings of shame and inadequacy. However, it's crucial to remember that even competent therapists can inadvertently trigger such feelings, especially if they miss the mark in understanding your unique situation.

Empathetic Therapists and Their Role

Despite these challenges, there are therapists who genuinely want to help you. An example is my current therapist, who, while her questions initially echoed my own harsh inner critic, I eventually came to understand her approach. My therapist was trying to help me face and reframe my self-criticism. I still continue to see her because the therapy was still beneficial even if it sometimes felt like the questioning was too intense for me.

Deciding When to Seek a New Therapist

When you feel ashamed during therapy, it's important to be honest with yourself about the source of your feelings. Were the feelings triggered by the therapist's approach or your own internal processes? If the therapist is consistently making you feel worse rather than better, it might be time to look for someone else. However, if the feelings are a result of the difficult conversation or the probing nature of therapy itself, it might be a temporary phase.

There is no obligation to work things out with a new therapist if you just started therapy. The first session is often exploratory, and it's natural for some difficult emotions to arise. It's important to weigh the reasons for your shame and ensure that the discomfort is a result of the therapeutic process and not the therapist's approach.

Conclusion

Feeling ashamed after your first therapy session is a common experience. However, it's important to analyze the reasons behind these feelings. Whether it's the therapist's approach or your own internal critic, it's crucial to have an honest self-examination. If you feel that the therapist is consistently making you feel worse, it might be time to seek a new therapist. But if the feelings are a result of the therapeutic process, give it some time and stay committed to the path of healing.

Key Takeaways: Feeling ashamed after therapy is normal but can vary in reason. Consider the therapist's approach and your own internal processes. Give new therapists some time, but don't hesitate to seek a new one if needed.