Understanding and Attracting Individuals with Asperger's Syndrome: A Guide for Potential Lovers and Friends

When it comes to understanding and attracting individuals with Asperger's Syndrome (AS), it is important to approach the situation with respect, kindness, and a deep understanding of their unique way of seeing the world. Before you begin, consider why you want to attract their attention and whether you genuinely like them. Having clear intentions and motives can help guide your interactions and ensure that you are truly connecting on a meaningful level.

Respect and Labeling

Never label or categorize someone as 'an aspie' in front of them or behind their back. This can be incredibly disrespectful and hurtful. In my experience, as someone diagnosed with Autism Spectrum Disorder (ASD), I would greatly prefer it if people refrained from using labels, as I and many others see them as a form of distancing or exclusion. When we are treated with respect and seen as individuals rather than labels, we are more open to genuine connections and interactions.

Basic Etiquette for Any Relationship

When it comes to attracting someone with AS, the same basic guidelines apply as for any other person. Treat them with kindness, understand that they may not pick up on subtle cues as quickly as others, and be patient with their unique ways of communication and interaction. Think about how you treat others you want to befriend or attract—being nice, asking them to do things with you, showing interest in their likes, and simply being friendly. These same principles apply to individuals with mild ASD. They value having friends who understand them, do not judge them for their differences, and are accepting of their mistakes and miscommunications.

Adjusting to Their Needs

To make the relationship work, it is crucial to be prepared to make adjustments based on the individual's needs and preferences. For example, you might think that inviting them out for a fancy meal and a loud movie is a good idea. However, depending on the person, they may or may not be able to handle or enjoy these activities. Movies might be too loud and could be a sensory overload issue for them. Similarly, they might be enthusiastic about getting out to eat but have limited food preferences due to sensory sensitivities or dietary restrictions.

Instead of imposing your preferences, try to be flexible and considerate. Ask them where they would like to eat or what activity they would like to do together. This way, they can still get to know you and like you even if they cannot or will not eat the meal you chose or go to the movie you suggested. Show that you are open to their choices and preferences. Encourage them to take the lead, as they may have specific ideas or preferences that align with their own needs and interests.

Managing Misunderstandings and Hurt Feelings

It is also important to be mindful of how you handle potential misunderstandings or hurt feelings. People with AS are often very honest, which can be both a strength and a challenge in social interactions. While they may not always have the best communication skills, they are typically genuine and sincere in their interactions. If they say or do something that you find odd or offensive, it is likely that they did not mean to hurt you.

If you are hurt by something they said, you can express your feelings directly and honestly. Simply tell them, 'Hey, when you said [insert specific comment] yesterday, it really hurt my feelings.' Many times, they will say, 'Oh, I’m sorry I had no idea I didn’t mean to say anything to hurt you.' This is often the truth. It is essential to communicate clearly and openly to ensure that both of you are on the same page and can work through any misunderstandings together.

Conclusion

Attracting and maintaining a relationship with someone who has Asperger's Syndrome requires patience, understanding, and a willingness to adapt to their unique needs and preferences. By treating them with respect, kindness, and flexibility, you can foster a connection that is grounded in mutual understanding and acceptance. Remember, the key to a successful relationship lies not only in what you do but also in how you approach and engage with the person, ensuring that their feelings and preferences are always a top priority.