Understanding the Journey of Growing Up with Asperger's Syndrome: Late Diagnosis and Its Impact

For many individuals on the autism spectrum, life is accompanied by a series of misunderstandings, difficulties, and struggles that may only be fully understood later in life. The personal journey of an adult diagnosed with Asperger's Syndrome in their early sixties provides an insightful perspective on the challenges faced during childhood and adolescence. In this article, we explore the unique experiences of someone who was not aware of their condition until later in life, offering a detailed look into the social nuances, emotional turmoil, and professional triumphs that characterize this journey.

The Challenges of Growing Up Unaware

For myself, life was marked by a constant struggle with social interactions and relationships. The seeming 'secret knowledge' of navigating social situations appeared to be inaccessible to me, a truth that went unexplained by others. This felt like I was inherently defective or 'magically' incapable of understanding these social codes. Additionally, I discovered that my verbal processing was extremely slow, making communication a significant hurdle.

One particular revelation was the realization that my thoughts and ideas were often presented in images and concepts. I mistakenly believed this was a common trait, leading me to conclude that I simply needed more time to translate these concepts into words. On the contrary, my ability to perceive patterns and connections where others saw none was a strength that significantly benefited my professional life and medical practice.

Diagnosis and Its Impact

The pivotal moment of diagnosis in my early sixties provided me with a clarity that had been previously unattainable. Prior to this, my life was a mix of confusion and exhaustion. Despite making an effort to blend in and adhere to unspoken social rules, I frequently breached these invisible barriers. To cope, I often sought solace in environments that offered peace, such as naps and working from home, practices that were unacceptable and had to be hidden.

My environment was often characterized by its overwhelming nature: it was too noisy, too smelly, and too fast. I experienced significant distress in such conditions, seeing myself as a 'snowflake' that was uniquely unable to thrive in these settings, much to the surprise of others. For the majority of the time, I was unaware of these issues, simply knowing that activities that should make me feel better were unacceptable and needed to be hidden.

The Isolation and Emotional Impact

The experience of not being aware of one's Asperger's Syndrome until later in life often leads to feelings of isolation, constant second-guessing, and frustration. It feels like being constantly on the outside, watching others partake in activities and social events that you can only observe from a distance, feeling like you never belong. The struggle to navigate social situations and maintain relationships often results in a sense of not being special, as your "struggles" or "issues" are deemed universal, leading to a desire to mask and fit in.

My late diagnosis meant that most of my life was fraught with difficulties that others often took for granted. I engaged in unhealthy coping mechanisms, such as pursuing a series of unsatisfying jobs to avoid the challenges of daily life, all the while maintaining a facade of happiness and contentment. It wasn't until my mid-thirties that I began to seriously try and sort out my life, but without the knowledge of being autistic, the journey was far more arduous.

The Importance of Late Diagnosis Awareness and Support

The journey of an individual diagnosed late with Asperger's Syndrome underscores the importance of awareness, education, and support throughout life. While some may find themselves moreadequately prepared as they mature, others may face ongoing challenges that require continuous support and understanding. The realization of one's condition can offer a pathway to embracing one's unique strengths, developing effective coping strategies, and building a fulfilling life.

For those who suspect they may have been undiagnosed as a child or adult, seeking professional evaluation is crucial. Additionally, supporting those with similar experiences can foster a sense of community, validation, and understanding, helping individuals to thrive in all aspects of life.