Why Should You Run from Someone with BPD?

Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD) is a complex mental health condition. Those of us who live with it can attest to the challenges it brings. Before entering a relationship with someone who has BPD, it's important to consider the advice of those familiar with the disorder and potential partners who share similar experiences. Mutual understanding and therapy can help, but the journey can be emotionally taxing. Unless you have a significant level of self-awareness and access to extensive therapy, it's generally recommended to avoid entanglement with a BPD individual.

The Realities of a Relationship with Someone with BPD

One person's story highlights the regrets and the challenges that can come with a relationship with someone with BPD. Trust was built overtime, but it was ultimately broken when the relationship ended quickly and unexpectedly. The person was left questioning their own judgment and the nature of the other's words and actions. Even after considering all the factors, the conclusion remained: the other individual was likely a pathological liar, and perhaps not even someone with BPD.

Addressing Common Misconceptions about BPD

Contrary to popular belief, partners with BPD do not intentionally harm or manipulate their significant others. Their actions, including emotional outbursts and sudden disappearances (known as 'ghosting'), often stem from deep-seated emotional pain rather than ill intentions. Understanding this can greatly alleviate the emotional distress of the involved parties.

A personal anecdote from a long-term relationship with a BPD partner advises the importance of self-care and mental health support. To manage the relationship effectively, it is crucial to seek therapy and learn to separate the behaviors during an episode from everyday interactions.

What Not to Do in a Relationship with BPD

Here is a list of actions to avoid when dealing with a BPD partner:

Avoid pressing for an apology – remind yourself that their emotional state may not allow for genuine remorse. Do not force them to discuss issues – allowing them space and time can help ease their pain. Do not attempt to 'fix' them – this can exacerbate the situation and lead to further episodes. Never diagnose them – this can be deeply offensive and damaging to their trust. Avoid using the silent treatment or any mind games – as this can be viewed as further abuse. Avoid bringing up past arguments – this can trigger further distress. Avoid expecting a breakthrough – even experienced therapists may require years of therapy to help BPD individuals.

What to Do During an Episode

During an episode, you can try to help your partner by:

Changing the subject to a positive topic. Providing space and maintaining a positive demeanor. Offering a hug for comfort. Asking for a brief break or suggesting they revisit the discussion another day.

It's important to remember that you are never going to "break" them into seeing things your way. Accepting this can make the relationship more manageable for both parties involved. Attempting to win an argument with a BPD partner only serves to exacerbate the situation and can lead to unnecessary emotional distress.

Without professional help, the condition of BPD does not change. However, with a better understanding, your relationship may become more trusting and stable over time, reducing the frequency of episodes.