Would Parents Intentionally Choose an Intersex Child?

The idea of intentionally having an intersex child might seem daunting. Society often carries with it a heavy burden of judgment, and the challenges faced by intersex individuals can be substantial. However, the question of whether parents would choose an intersex child seems to be rooted in a broader issue: are we willing to embrace our children fully, no matter their unique characteristics?

The Impact of Society's Judgment

It's hard to imagine anyone wanting to intentionally choose an intersex child when the world around them might subject that child to sanctimonious judgment and critique. People often misunderstand the complexities of gender and the experiences of intersex individuals. This judgment, while human, can be harmful and arbitrary. Nevertheless, it is crucial to recognize that life is not perfect, and this does not diminish the love a parent feels for their child.

Personal Experiences and Parenting

My own journey as a parent has given me insight into the complexities of raising children, regardless of their gender identity. My children, now adults, have each had their own unique experiences and challenges as they discovered who they were. One daughter had a crush on a female neighbor, identifying as cis-gendered, while another identifies as genderqueer and is married to a man. The third daughter briefly considered loving a friend but ultimately preferred boyfriends.

Each of these experiences, while distinct, share a common thread: the importance of a parent's love and acceptance. When children explore their own identities, it is vital that the parent's love remains unwavering, regardless of how they express themselves sexually. Love transcends societal norms and expectations and should be unconditional and non-judgmental.

Understanding the Complexity of Identity

Intersex children often face a complex journey to understand and define their gender identity. This process can be both challenging and rewarding. It is important to approach such situations with empathy and understanding. No parent wants their child to have a difficult life, but intersex identity introduces unique challenges that require a tailored and supportive approach.

Acceptance and Support as a Parent

Would I have chosen to have an intersex child intentionally? While the idea of intentionally choosing an intersex child may not resonate with everyone, I believe that if a child is intersex, the kind of support and acceptance they deserve comes from a parent who is committed to fighting for their child's identity. I would have been a strong advocate for my child, fought against the pressures from doctors to designate a specific gender, and allowed the child to grow into their truest self.

If the name I gave them, a gender-neutral name, was unsuitable, I would have gladly changed it. The most crucial aspect is ensuring that the child feels loved and accepted, regardless of how they express themselves. That's the kind of parent they deserve. When a child is intersex, their unique needs and experiences should be central to the parenting journey, fostering an environment of acceptance and understanding.